Keep It Together
by It'sNotUnusual
Summary: Blaine cannot help overthinking everything - it's how he keeps his composure. And when it comes to Kurt, his overthinking goes into overload. Blangst. One shot, complete. Extremely minor Kurt participation.


**A/N: Inspired by a beautiful BA fanvid circulating Tumblr to the same song, and the following consists of me diving a little bit more into Blaine's psyche. First time I've really written in 2****nd**** person, so this was an experiment more than anything. Plus I wanted to use the song. **

**Also, I did not rewatch any episodes during the writing of this, and so minor details (such as where certain people were sitting/standing during the event) may be incorrect. I have acknowledged this, so call me out if you feel necessary, but I am not going to change it. **

**I have also never seen West Side Story, so there may be inconsistencies there too. **

**I do believe that Blaine has had these kind of thoughts at some time or another, even through his maturing in the series – so even though some bits may be OOC, I stick by them. :)**

**Spoilers between 2x20-3x14. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

_Is it really what they say it is? _

_I'm trying to make sense of this_

_They always say "Never join the circus" _

_Will they really take care of me? _

_Love me like I wanna be_

_I've heard before_

_This life can leave you empty_

* * *

You're fine – it's not public school anymore. Well, not that one. That's why you're here, in public school corridors again. For a dance, of all things.

It's for him. The angel you thought you'd never find in Ohio of all places. It's a shared strength you have. He gives you courage to be here, after your ghosts of old post-dance beatings, and you hope you give him enough courage to walk through these corridors again without too many of the memories rising up.

Breathe. Why would they be here? It's two hours away. Calm. You're all right. He's all right. It's _fine_.

Still, you're not brave enough to dance in among all the people, every one of them a potential bigot because you're not naïve, this is Ohio, open-mindedness is few and far between.

But then he's running because of all the aforementioned bigots, and you have to remind yourself to stay calm. Lashing out would put him in even more danger, and that's the last thing you want. That's the thing you're trying to keep him safe from more than anything. He doesn't know all the details of what happened you that night, and he's not _going _to. That's the one thing you swore to yourself when you agreed to going to this. You're not going to take his innocence.

Calm. You have to keep your calm persona that you spent so long building up, because if this disgrace makes you lose it, then you don't deserve to be around him.

So you follow him back in, and you hold onto what semblance of calm you can.

Really, though, when he was there alone, and on the brink of complete humiliation, what else were you going to do but offer your hand and keep him safe?

* * *

_It's hard to see it from the bottom_

_When your light is still shining_

_It's time for you to hurry up now_

'_Cause your time is rising_

_It's hard to see it from the bottom _

_When you wanna give up now_

_You gotta keep on going_

'_Cause your time is rising_

It wasn't your fault. It wasn't your fault that the piano caught fire and besides, you didn't actually ask the cheerleaders to help you. It was an audition and you could have done the entire thing by yourself without decoration from skimpily dressed girls. But they did help, and they did set it on fire.

But you can't say anything, not even when they kick Santana out without any real claim. You know you have to keep yourself calm, even if it's just for him, because he hasn't realised the extent of your temper yet and if you can keep yourself together, if you can just keep yourself together – it will all be alright.

You just keep a hand on him, keep yourself grounded and you know that with his constant presence, even in the back of your head, you will be able to keep it together for today.

* * *

_You feel it coming now_

_You feel it falling down_

_You gotta keep yourself together _

_You feel it coming now_

_You feel it falling down_

_You gotta keep yourself together_

You can't believe it. You can't believe that you even had the capability to hurt him in this way. But now you're dancing, doing that move again after all the criticisms you received from persons who will remain unnamed – for your own sanity and self-esteem more than anything else – and it keeps your mind off it for a minute.

But this is the part where Officer Krupke comes in, and all you can see was his face, eyes expressionless. So you go back to the start of the dance move, the main one that you get wrong, and suddenly his face actually _is _there.

You can afford to let your emotions out a little, because it's _him_, there is no judgement in his eyes and you've gotten emotional in front of him before anyway. The apologies just tumble out of your mouth, slipping off your tongue but completely sincere nevertheless, because you still can't believe that you _did _that to him, that you made that devastating look come into his eyes.

He says "I want to go to your house" and the second you nod you're getting your composure back, returning to the calm Blaine that he surely fell in love with.

* * *

_Is it really all they say it is?_

_I can feel it getting breathless_

_They always say "The camera is contagious"_

_When the room start to cave in_

_When my steps start shifting_

'_Cause I've heard before_

_Don't lose what you believe in_

It seems like no time passes to when you've been at his school for weeks now and his step-brother, his _step-brother_, who seemed to really like you all summer, has suddenly decided that you are his mortal enemy and is determined to shoot you down every chance he gets.

And it hurts, it hurts so much that he would think it was OK to shoot you down like that, but before you know it you're saying something rash to Sam. You didn't mean it, but all the restraints come loose and you're yelling, you don't know, you just know it's making you feel _cheap_, and _used_, and _dirty_.

You couldn't do that to yourself. More so, you couldn't let the choreography stay that way and cheapen him. You're never going to let that happen.

When you storm out, you won't lie that you're slightly pleased that he doesn't follow. He doesn't need to see you like this – angry and uncontrolled. You were his mentor, and even if you're his boyfriend and lover and soulmate and all that _now_, there is still some deep-rooted need to stay composed and keep appearances up.

So when you see Finn walk through the locker room door, you breathe out a quiet sigh of relief. It's only Finn.

* * *

_It's hard to see it from the top now_

_When your light is still blinding_

_No time to close your eyes now_

_No time for hiding_

_It's hard to see it from the top now_

_When you wanna fall back down_

_You've gotta keep on climbing_

'_Cause your time is rising_

The news is shocking. It makes you almost paralysed for a second, before remembering that he must be going through so much worse.

It's what makes you choose Cough Syrup to sing – not only because you felt that way at some point or another, but because it was meant as some small words of comfort, to remind him that you are still here. And you can feel the emotions rising up inside you, the memories.

Not now, not in front of him. You can go off later, give another memory to the punching bag. But in front of him, the most precious thing in your life, you need to provide comfort. You can't be selfish – not now. Keep it all to yourself, you can deal with this by yourself. What weakness it is to ask for help, especially now.

Just _keep it together. _

* * *

_You feel it coming now_

_You feel it falling down_

_You gotta keep yourself together_

_You feel it coming now._


End file.
